365 MINUTES DAY 195

Trouble is with dreams like this there is heavy hang over,... again today I see a ton of people with oxygen tanks, even a couple of infants and thier 30 something parents smell of tobacco, My sences are acutely aware of this smell.

The lack of sleep here caused waking nightmares yesterday. Strange feelings, psycological weirdness, all the cuts, and bumps, injuries and memories associated with injury,... Could it be,(no questions just write,...) the healing process! Emotional and physical damage making itself aware to the conscious facalties in a semi conscious waking dream signifies curative properties of psyche. Cigarettes are a distraction, eventually though, cells rebuild when not nagged to death by constant tobbacco. Lucky so far, to have escaped the oxygen tent. Now in Denver, it is illegal to smoke in bars, everyone smokes outside. What a nightmare.

tired too, tired of this not doing work to do work. Video and on line is ok, but It's not photography and video is a gap filler, Luckily following your orders, I am going to continue to write. This is what it looks like when I am too tired to write,... tired writing , banal ugh,
Seems like a birthing craze happening now, I don't know what was happening last august, everyone but me getting laid. Now everyone but me is having babies,... Ha, drunk at 7pm big deal. that's so stupid,... bragging about it? Probably how she got knocked up. Or was the baby planned? no questions just write. 7pm is like happy hour here for businessmen, try 7am happy hour for graveyard shift workers and all night partiers. Reminds me of some guy getting drunk because he got his girl pregnant and they were going to have an abortion. People have no clue. It all hurts,... no wonder EMO is such a huge phenomina.

Emo, no need to understand, it's a generational thing. Nothings changed, it's just further down the lane as it were. Hate is an emotion too, I try to like everything, everything I do is total emo, nothing intellectuall about it, but really my demographic is post punk/grunge etc,... it doesn't matter, I'm too old. I like Hendrix emotions though.

robert smith from the cure was born in 1959. That band had a good bass player. but he could have been your dad. The cure generation is too old, punk is never too old, some how the cure is too old and the buzzcocks are not. Go figure. However, yours and my generation, you being the tail end and me being the very begining, will always be overshadowed by the larger demographic on both sides of the abyss. Were unique because there wasn't enough of us to create a mass market sensation,... Most of our generation was aborted. Some killed after birth,... we are survivers;-)

I bought pornography in 1980 when it came out and got a load of shit for it. Subsequently I bought the greatests hits standing on the beach and more recently others,... reissuses. Wasn't eastern europe and all that wall bashing (berlin) eighties stuff (Revolutions) going on? We we busy with a war on drugs, drive by shootiings and a crack epidemic. In any case, disintegration wasn't on the playlist in 1989, Fight the Power,... I'm in the pistols camp on this,... for some reason johnny rotten hates the cure, presumably because they made it so huge and he didn't. One reason I don't like the cure now is because there's some guy I run into who likes the cure, he's a "real musician," knows notes and things, said he wanted to start a band, but hasn't once made an effort to get anything going, just talk ya know, people with music world connections talk about thier vintage guitars and amps and how the ppppppppf guitar is the same as what robert smith uses etc,... big deal, I had a dream once where he and my ex girlfriend were in my jam room and were just standiong there, literally, and wouldn't give me a cable to plug my guitar in, and then the cops show up, well. this is coming from the air above the iceburg that could be the book. In any case, The cure are ok, however, my ex girlfriend and this guy who plays guitar,... are people I will never work with. They give all the bands that they Idolize a bad name. By the way. I was ten and eleven in seventy six and pretty much held musically in prison since then ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffpt.

1989,... survived 10 years of hell and things started getting better. Lasted part of a year. I smiled a few times. I do not recall being too aware of what was happening in Europe. Spent time in doing photography of rock bands, hung out at jazz clubs, after hours joints, key clubs, and went to a lot of shows. Had some really cool friends who'd get me into all the gigs. First leica, which at first I didn't like because it didn't have the heft of the wide focal length of the nikormat. In my own world, but everything was groovy, collective unconscious from the commie crash spread emotional good vibes for a while. But now doesn't it seem that huge corporations are doing it all over again on a global scale? I'll bet Europe will rock out for the 20th anniversary of the revolutions. There is a great documentary on the fall of Bucharest, a pretty wild uprising where the soldiers stop shooting at the people and turn their tanks on the communist leaders, and it's guerilla filming etc,... quite intense. Wish I knew Judo. Talk about lucky 13* You write the book.