10+ faves

is this the train to the valley? yes, sir. that's where we're going. ok, good. I can't wait for the wine tasting. temperature's gonna hit at least 120 today, I hear. what? in napa valley? how do grapes grow in such heat? napa valley? ha ha. no, this train's bound for death valley. one way. what? it can't be! I didn't even bring any water! I suggest you try and find some shade there. if you can. ha ha! I'm gonna fry! like a bug under a lens, probably. just sit back, relax and conserve your strength. you're gonna need it.

it's coming in tonight. are you sure? no question. are we ready? better be. there's no other choice. I'm worried. we've never done this before. stick to the plan, we'll be fine. but what if something goes wrong? like what? like what if it's got anchovies instead of onions. you know something I don't? do ya? if so, you better spit it out now. no! I'm just sayin'! getting a pizza delivered by boat is kinda strange. strange times call for. . . you know. yeah. must be. damn, I'm hungry. me too.

hey, buddy. can you spare a buck? you're panhandling on the beach? weren't you here last year? yeah, I come up every summer. it's nice here, no? dammit! we're trying to enjoy the sunset! it's a beauty. and for a buck you can enjoy it in peace. and then you'll go away? sure. say, is that wine in that cooler? oh my god. I suppose you want a glass? with ice, if you got it. and I should just pour it for you? how thoughtful! you are the best. right. can you make it two bucks? why not? great.

here it is, ernie. whaddya think? this? are you serious? oh yeah. couch over here. big-screen tv over there. leon. you can't build a house here! house? who said anything about a house? so what are you talking about? I just said it! I'm putting my couch and tv right here! it'll be great! ok. whatever. can I come over? absolutely! you bring the chips and beer. maybe some for the seagulls too, eh? good idea. bring a lot. they're relentless. right.

what's up, dog? not a thing, my man. you wanna hang out at the pool hall? no way. too nice a day. I gotta win back some of that money you took from me. forget it, it's not happening today. well, what about tomorrow? I'm busy. day after? nope. damn, man! when then? I'll definitely let you know. you will? promise? bet on it. ok. I mean, no way! damn, you almost got me. good thing you're so sharp. you think? for sure.

may I help you, my son? yes, we are here on a charitable mission. are you? seems to me you're just looking for money. we do need money to survive in this world. you know what they say: money is the root of all evil. what do you think about that? yes, however, I have it on very high authority that it is not the evil itself. we should give thanks for that. amen.

whatcha up to, fern? me and bobby joe been out in the field all day. you? just got out of class. whatcha learnin'? oh, physics and stuff. what's physics? we're studying the nature of matter. today we conducted experiments to try and get to absolute zero. absolute zero? now that wouldn't be the grade you got on your last test, would it? ha ha. no, fern. but it might be your IQ. say what now? oh nothin'.

put these on, Edna. what are they, Stanley? they're waders. we're going to wade in this lake. whatever for? this is nature, Edna. you need to experience it, now and then. but Stanley, I'm simply not dressed for the occasion! on the other hand, I see you prepared! I did. I had Jeeves set out my best fishing and hunting outerwear this morning. good thinking, eh? maybe good for you. meanwhile, I'm wearing heels! yes, well, let's hope that the bottom isn't too aggressively muddy. however, you might want to hike your skirt up a little. Stanley! you are simply scandalous! just what you like about me, right dear? perhaps.

you mean like this? yes, just like that.

slave! come forth! yes, my lord Ba'al? how may I serve you? aren't we having a beach party today? yes, lord. and don't I have certain requirements at such functions? indeed, lord. I believe we have anticipated them. . . silence! what about the virgins? they are being rounded up as we speak, sire. difficult as it is to find any these days. . . you mean they're not lining up outside the palace gate? er, not exactly. I've been told that some have actually said that they've never. . . heard of you. what!!? outrageous! this sounds like the work of my nemesis, Jehovah. has he been tweeting about me again? no, sire. tweeting's your thing, not his. hmmm. I'm getting bad press from somewhere. it looks like I'll have to speak directly to my worshipers. let's go. what about your wig, sire? my wig? I assume you'll want to wear it. of course. go fetch it. see that the comb-over is done properly. and make sure there's no wind today. we're casting the necessary spells now, sire. it's vitally important that I maintain my youthful image. you wouldn't be yourself without it, lord. and a magnificent self it is, right slave? totally big league, lord. totally.

see that guy, louie? what guy boss? over there, by those trees, fishing. what about him? I don't like it. he didn't ask for permission first. I want you to go over there. yeah? make like a fish. a really big one. one that don't like getting caught. ok. then what? then you let him know. he's got a choice. a choice? yeah. either he can quit fishing, or feed the fishes. pretty easy choice. yeah. but boss, I gotta act like a fish? I hate worms. don't worry. you'll get used to it. you sure? positive.

what are we doing here, herr doktor? my boy, we are about to engage in a great experiment! it will challenge the very nature of our universe! do you need me to prepare a scientific protocol? no need! I have it right here! I found it this morning. you. . . found it? yes! the secrets of all creation! in my breakfast cereal! amazing! you were eating fruit loops, weren't you? as a matter of fact, yes! let me guess: with bourbon? even better: butterscotch schnapps. Prost! of course.

I'm looking for a large space to rent. you've come to the right place. I have special requirements. I need plenty of power. we have industrial grade transformers. also, I require direct access to a railroad spur. already in place. this was once an industrial facility. yes, it might work. is it structurally sound? like a bunker. impregnable. it will have to be, for what I plan to do. er, may I ask what that would be? no. but I advise you to stay clear for awhile. how clear? oh, outside the 50 mile blast radius should be safe. blast radius? fine. just sign, and here's the key. I'm off. make that 75 miles. you never know. whatever you say.

my boy, I've made another breakthrough! what, another one, herr doktor? indeed! and it's huge! I've discovered a new element! I'm naming it after me, so I'll forever be in the periodic table of elements! gee, that's exciting, herr doktor. can I see it? see it? well, actually, no. it exists only as a computer model. not in the, you know, actual world. oh. so maybe you should call it unrealium. know what I mean? yes. that name is kind of. . . catchy, isn't it? ok! I'm going to contact the periodic table committee right away! didn't they expel you for fraud last year? oh that was nothing! a mere clerical error! for including in your book a bunch of pop-ups of animal penises? I told them, that was totally the publisher fault! I think yours was in there too, wasn't it? for comparative purposes only! my dedication to science knows no bounds! or shame, right? right! I mean, what?

lord? yes, archangel, what is it? time to consider your winter vacation again. have you found us a place? you know what I like. your favorite lakeshore is snowed in, lord. however, I found something else. oh? what is it? it's very spacious, lots of light. you could say cozy. almost. sounds good. just needs a little sweeping up, is all. baal's not the owner, is he? oh, no. not at all. ok, good. I hate getting robbed by that guy. I know, lord. anything else would be paradise. I'm sure you'll be pleased. so, no sand toys? not this time, I'm afraid. asbestos maybe, but no sand. oh well. I'm sure the place has other fine qualities. I'm sure.

why so down, man? my girlfriend and I broke up. aw, that sucks! I hate when that happens! yeah, me too. it really takes a lot out of you. I was gonna say: you're looking a little thin there, guy. I know! it's these women! they take it! they take it all! and we let 'em. every time. makes us seem kinda stupid, don't it. more than kinda. not that we'll ever do anything about it. no way. can't. don't want to. me neither.

well that was totally delicious. that's funny, I didn't know you liked cat food. what? you told me it was tuna! well, I'm sure there was some of that in there too. ok, then you lick my fingers. I thought you'd never ask.

hey, man, I heard that speech you gave the other night. yeah? like it? I had to really listen.couldn't hardly tell it was you. whaddya mean? I mean you almost made sense for once. using complete sentences, mostly. not you at all. well I got a little advice from my buddy steve. suggested I stick to the script. ordered me, actually. did he write it? well, duh! of course. did you even read it first? as if he would let me! haha! but don't tell nobody, ok? like it's a big secret. it is, right? sure.