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do you have the stolen a-bomb secrets, Boris? I lost them, Natasha! some damned little squirrel pooped on my head! can you believe it? Mr. Big will be very unhappy, Boris. it's not my fault! what should I do? defect? and leave me here to face the central committee? with no a-bomb secrets? you would do that to me, Boris? well, I really wouldn't want to. .

sweetie, pour me a drink. anything, sugar. and call my office. tell them I won't be back today.

see that guy, louie? what guy boss? over there, by those trees, fishing. what about him? I don't like it. he didn't ask for permission first. I want you to go over there. yeah? make like a fish. a really big one. one that don't like getting caught. ok. then what? then you let him know. he's got a choice. a choice? yeah. either he can quit fishing, or feed the fishes. pretty easy choice. yeah. but boss, I gotta act like a fish? I hate worms. don't worry. you'll get used to it. you sure? positive.

time to move on, baby. why, charley? I like it here. gotta get some money, baby. It's been 2 months. how you gonna get money, charley? gonna get it from the bank, sugar, just like always. promise me you won't get caught, like last time? not a chance, baby. you were away for 4 long years, charley. me and the boys will be more careful this time, don't worry. get me a nice dress, ok charley? you got it, toots.

may I help you, sir? yes, I have a reservation. I'm here to check in. I'm very sorry, sir. I see your reservation, but there are no rooms. what do you mean? we've had an unexpected number of guests staying longer. well, what am I gonna do? the wife is in the car! we will, of course, try and assist you any way we can. darn right. why is everyone over-staying anyway? it's spores week, sir. a big deal around here. sports week, eh? well I'm not into sports. no, sir, SPORES week. whatever. just find us a room, pal. I'm not a fun guy if I don't get my sleep. fungi? ha ha, very funny, sir. I ain't laughing, bud. no sir. of course not sir.

your creation is taking shape, lord. yes, I think I might like this world. I hope so, lord. the last one was a total mess. what did you just say, archangel? I mean, it was the best, lord! the best! hmmm. ok. cue the volcanos. I like lava. me too, lord.

a message for you, lord, from your old pal, ba'al. what does that charlatan want now? actually, he thought he could interest you in a used car. you're kidding! he knows I don't drive. he says it would be a nice gesture. what, he needs the money? well, things aren't all the great in new jersey. or anyplace else on earth, economically speaking. so he's hoping you'd like a new toy. to drive around heaven in? yeah, right. or maybe on your next vacation to earth. well, I always did like that '49 mercury. he's got one in dark wine, big fat tires. yeah? with a 350 V-8 and 4-on-the-floor? chopped, and new aluminum wheels, too. well, damn. guess I could show it off in detroit. they'll love you for it, lord. ok. what's he want for it? $39,500, cash. what? that's highway robbery! he figures money's no object for you. he's gonna get a lightning bolt up his behind. I'll tell him. I think he'll negotiate. damn right he will. and I want GPS too. you need that? for re-sale purposes, you know. good thinking, lord.

where's the guard? he went to the next gallery. ok, quick, let's take this picture. you know you're not supposed to. I'm sure mr. kelly wouldn't mind.

ok, there's the signal. commence the assault. what signal? I don't see any signal. well I see it, and that's all that matters. oh, I get it. this is all about you, right? I'll pretend I didn't hear that, soldier. whatever.

did you hear that? no. what? something's moving out there. you're imagining things. there's nobody else here. no, man. I heard it. like a clicking. oh shit. what? I see it. it's coming this way. OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT THING? I don't know, but I'm not waiting to find out.

keep moving. what are we doing here? see that guy? he's got something for us. what is it? not your concern. you go right. I'll meet you at the top. and our guy? the door's covered. he's got nowhere to go. hey, there's art in here. of course there is. it's a museum, ya moron. now move.

we have them surrounded, sire. excellent. arm the ionizing narcolepser. at once, your worshipfulness. now the earthlings will feel my awesome power. as they should, your magnificence. pity they don't have exoskeletons like us. why, sire? I love crunchy food. well put, o wise one.

boss, that bank never knew what hit 'em. throw the package in there. we'll come back for it later. ok. now where to boss? we split up. lay low. stay away from here. yeah? how will we get back together? I'll find you, don't worry. then we'll split the loot. how does that sound? sure boss. we trust you. does that mean you really don't? maybe not so much. oh.

sir! enemy forces are massed outside the walls! have the archers ready. sir! I don't think that will be enough. sir. why not, centurion? well, you see sir. our walls are little stones. what do you mean? they look pretty big to me. yes sir, but the enemy is. . . well it's huge sir! how huge? like they blot out the sun, sir! ok. well that is pretty big, isn't it. what does the enemy look like? like children sir! impossibly monstrous children. in bathing suits. interesting disguise. commence firing. sir! yes sir!

dark spirit of the lower realm, are you here? I am. what dost thou seek? I seek justice o great spirit. really? with that buffoon you just elected? good luck with that, sweetheart.

private, set up a checkpoint. that's enemy territory. don't let anyone get by you. no one sir? absolutely no one. not even the general? he's over there, waving at us. the general? with the enemy? shall I let him cross, sir? of course, private. and don't bother me with questions again. I hope there's no more generals over there. me too.

hitchiking through the desert with my girlfriend, caught a ride with an old guy, driving a '57 chevy. stopped for the night, made a fire. slept in the sagebrush, under a million stars, joshua trees all around. her breathing next to me the only sound.

is it the end? not at all. just the beginning. the beginning of what? move over here and I'll show you. mmm. ok.