Poems and Rhymes

Lives of great men all remind us, Life is really not worthwhile, Unless we all can leave behind us, Some excuses for a smile. These women don't look too amused, but someone with a sense of humor must have added the poem to this real photo postcard. These four lines of rhyme appeared in 1905 in The Silly Syclopedia , a book by "Noah Lott" (an entertaining pseudonym for the writer George V. Hobart). The poem turns out to be a parody of the following stanza from " A Psalm of Life ," by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow: Lives of great men all remind us We can make our lives sublime, And, departing, leave behind us Footprints on the sands of time.

Who needs a regular doctor when you can make an appointment to see Dr. Squirrel? When the world's on "your nerves" And your head's in a whirl Just go to the woods And consult "Dr. Squirrel." His treatment's effective His charges are light You'll soon be convinced That the world is all right. Handwritten on the back of this postcard "Bloomsburg, Nov. 23, Wednesday morning. This card I thought would suit you, or probably a rabbit instead. I am all O.K., as Eugene says. I am going to send Bruce a Thanksgiving carol today." Addressed to: Mr. Verus Ritter, R.D. #1, Opp, Penna. Postmarked: Bloomsburg, Pa., Nov. 23, 1910, 12:30 p.m. Printed on back: Prince Pub. Co., Lancaster Ave., Buffalo, N.Y.

Fish is a brain food, Which is said to never fail. I therefore recommend That you should eat a whale.

"When other lips and other hearts / Their tales of love would tell, / Remember, oh! remember, pray, / That l___s go to h__l. Needle-Points." Printed on the back of this postcard: "B.B. London & New York. Series N.P. 1. Printed in America." The first two lines of this quatrain ("When other lips and other hearts / Their tales of love would tell") come from the beginning of a song, "You'll Remember Me," from the opera The Bohemian Girl . The last two lines ("Remember, oh! remember, pray, / That liars go to hell"), however, are unique to this postcard, which probably dates to the 1910s. For the original song, see the full lyrics to Then You'll Remember Me on the Aria Database, or listen to John McCormack sings, "Then You'll Remember Me," from Balfe's The Bohemian Girl, 1916, on YouTube.

A poetic invitation to a church fundraising event featuring pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving Day. The card is not dated, and I have not been able to determine the city or state where James P. Wolff's residence on South Broad Street may have been located. A Google search turned up a brief mention of a similar gathering in 1896: "A Pumpkin Social at Thanksgiving was a novelty, the proceeds furnishing eleven baskets of food for our poorest families" ( Sixteenth Annual Report of the General Board of Managers of the Woman's Home Missionary Society of the Methodist Episcopal Church for the Year 1896-97 , Cincinnati: Western Methodist Book Concern Press, 1897, p. 115). -------- Pumpkin Social Thanksgiving Day Evening Residence Mr. J. P. Wolff, South Broad St. A pumpkin seed in my garden fell, And it grew, and grew. And it said to the Rose of Sharon blossoms "A Thanksgiving pumpkin I'll be to you. Let me be of use to get, Money on the new church debt. My heart when freed form all its eyes, Makes delicious pumpkin pies. Call your friends and make a feast. Give each one a great big piece, Accompanied by a glass of milk. Soon over town, 'twill be the talk. Some wax candles you must put, In the arm holes of my coat, For a jack o'lantern fine, On the gathering throng to shine. In my pocket there is room for a lot of silver coin. Even my seeds may be of use, While concealed they're hard to guess." Now have the roses of Sharon agreed, To the plan of Thansgiv'g pumpkin seed So we've come to invite you to the treat, At the home of Jas. Wolff, South Broad St. Remember the time, Thanksgiving day, Don't anyone think of remaining away. Bring all your friends, don't let the time pass Without lending your aid to our S.S. class.

"Any favors, $1.00, 50c, 25c, or even dimes, will be thankfully appreciated by yours truly, The Messenger Boy." Walter Spahr, identified as "Messenger No. 1" on two similar greeting cards, presumably used the cards to solicit tips from customers. The card publisher--"Balch Bros. & West Co., Utica, N.Y."--is apparently still in business as Balch Bros. Flags and More, a supplier of flags and flag accessories now based in Syracuse, N.Y.

See the full version (above), top half , and bottom half . -------- Carriers' Annual Address to the Patrons of the Harrisburg Daily Patriot, Wednesday, January 1, 1879 Headline of newspaper in illustration: "A Happy New Year." -------- Carriers' Address A year has closed a circle again That ne'er can be broken by power of men; so list to a song of its woe and its cheer, A song of the sad, glad, dead old year, 'Tis the carriers' song, the carriers true Who've served you the news the whole year through. Oh, we are the carriers, ready and swift! We whistle right merrily all the way. As, bringing the latest news from the world, We hurry along in the morning gray. Oh, what cared we for the springtime fair, The budding trees and its opening flowers! Oh, what cared we for its sunshine sweet, Or its smirching mud and its drenching showers! The Turk had been crushed by the Czar's bold hosts, And peace would now reign in lands over the sea; In Congress, to keep peace all Europe would meet; --And we carried the news of these great things to be. Then William the good king of Prussia was shot-- We must carry the news--all Prussia was stirred. Then Mercedes died, the sweet Spanish queen, And from Spain the voice of sorrow was heard. Soon all in the cool, the sweet-scented shade Of the fresh summer morning we hurried along, Ere yet the fierce heat of the day had shone out, While caroled each bird his blithest, best song. But no time to enjoy these, for up from the South The voice of the fever-struck, praying, had come For help from the North in their day of distress, And we carried the prayer into each northern home. And then in the hazy, beautiful morn, All tinted with shades of the gold autumn days, We saw o'er the trees decked in numberless hues, The round, rising sun in its first glory blaze. But we cared not, we cared not for beauty of earth, For out on the pitiless, treacherous deep A shipload of lives had gone down in the night, And we bore the sad news that caused many to weep. Oh, cold, oh cold was the winter's wild blast, And blinding and thick was the hard-blowing snow! What cared we, what cared we for winter so drear! Let the snow drift deep and the cold winds blow! We carried the news of another ship lost-- The news of the day Congress opened its doors-- Of Beaconsfield's speech--the campaign in the East-- The heralds of "wars and rumors of wars." And now on our rounds the whole round year We've tirelessly traveled. To some have been sad The tidings we've brought, but as well have we brought The news that has made full many hearts glad. If the news that we faithfully lay at your doors Make sad hearts or glad hearts, we can never say; And we never would know. We travel our rounds And whistle right merrily all the way.

See the full version , top half (above), and bottom half . -------- Carriers' Annual Address to the Patrons of the Harrisburg Daily Patriot, Wednesday, January 1, 1879 Headline of newspaper in illustration: "A Happy New Year." -------- Carriers' Address A year has closed a circle again That ne'er can be broken by power of men; so list to a song of its woe and its cheer, A song of the sad, glad, dead old year, 'Tis the carriers' song, the carriers true Who've served you the news the whole year through. Oh, we are the carriers, ready and swift! We whistle right merrily all the way. As, bringing the latest news from the world, We hurry along in the morning gray. Oh, what cared we for the springtime fair, The budding trees and its opening flowers! Oh, what cared we for its sunshine sweet, Or its smirching mud and its drenching showers! The Turk had been crushed by the Czar's bold hosts, And peace would now reign in lands over the sea; In Congress, to keep peace all Europe would meet; --And we carried the news of these great things to be. Then William the good king of Prussia was shot-- We must carry the news--all Prussia was stirred. Then Mercedes died, the sweet Spanish queen, And from Spain the voice of sorrow was heard. Soon all in the cool, the sweet-scented shade Of the fresh summer morning we hurried along, Ere yet the fierce heat of the day had shone out, While caroled each bird his blithest, best song. But no time to enjoy these, for up from the South The voice of the fever-struck, praying, had come For help from the North in their day of distress, And we carried the prayer into each northern home. And then in the hazy, beautiful morn, All tinted with shades of the gold autumn days, We saw o'er the trees decked in numberless hues, The round, rising sun in its first glory blaze. But we cared not, we cared not for beauty of earth, For out on the pitiless, treacherous deep A shipload of lives had gone down in the night, And we bore the sad news that caused many to weep. Oh, cold, oh cold was the winter's wild blast, And blinding and thick was the hard-blowing snow! What cared we, what cared we for winter so drear! Let the snow drift deep and the cold winds blow! We carried the news of another ship lost-- The news of the day Congress opened its doors-- Of Beaconsfield's speech--the campaign in the East-- The heralds of "wars and rumors of wars." And now on our rounds the whole round year We've tirelessly traveled. To some have been sad The tidings we've brought, but as well have we brought The news that has made full many hearts glad. If the news that we faithfully lay at your doors Make sad hearts or glad hearts, we can never say; And we never would know. We travel our rounds And whistle right merrily all the way.

See the full version , top half , and bottom half (above). -------- Carriers' Annual Address to the Patrons of the Harrisburg Daily Patriot, Wednesday, January 1, 1879 Headline of newspaper in illustration: "A Happy New Year." -------- Carriers' Address A year has closed a circle again That ne'er can be broken by power of men; so list to a song of its woe and its cheer, A song of the sad, glad, dead old year, 'Tis the carriers' song, the carriers true Who've served you the news the whole year through. Oh, we are the carriers, ready and swift! We whistle right merrily all the way. As, bringing the latest news from the world, We hurry along in the morning gray. Oh, what cared we for the springtime fair, The budding trees and its opening flowers! Oh, what cared we for its sunshine sweet, Or its smirching mud and its drenching showers! The Turk had been crushed by the Czar's bold hosts, And peace would now reign in lands over the sea; In Congress, to keep peace all Europe would meet; --And we carried the news of these great things to be. Then William the good king of Prussia was shot-- We must carry the news--all Prussia was stirred. Then Mercedes died, the sweet Spanish queen, And from Spain the voice of sorrow was heard. Soon all in the cool, the sweet-scented shade Of the fresh summer morning we hurried along, Ere yet the fierce heat of the day had shone out, While caroled each bird his blithest, best song. But no time to enjoy these, for up from the South The voice of the fever-struck, praying, had come For help from the North in their day of distress, And we carried the prayer into each northern home. And then in the hazy, beautiful morn, All tinted with shades of the gold autumn days, We saw o'er the trees decked in numberless hues, The round, rising sun in its first glory blaze. But we cared not, we cared not for beauty of earth, For out on the pitiless, treacherous deep A shipload of lives had gone down in the night, And we bore the sad news that caused many to weep. Oh, cold, oh cold was the winter's wild blast, And blinding and thick was the hard-blowing snow! What cared we, what cared we for winter so drear! Let the snow drift deep and the cold winds blow! We carried the news of another ship lost-- The news of the day Congress opened its doors-- Of Beaconsfield's speech--the campaign in the East-- The heralds of "wars and rumors of wars." And now on our rounds the whole round year We've tirelessly traveled. To some have been sad The tidings we've brought, but as well have we brought The news that has made full many hearts glad. If the news that we faithfully lay at your doors Make sad hearts or glad hearts, we can never say; And we never would know. We travel our rounds And whistle right merrily all the way.

In days of yore, the paper boy , message delivery boy , milkman , coal man , and even the garbage man might give you their holiday greetings! Compliments from the Garbage Man Christmas comes and Christmas goes, With summer rains and winter snows. The garbage man who always goes, Fighting mankind's every foe. He's poor and humble and knows no wealth, But is ever guarding the public health. He works in cheer and knows no fear, Of the deadly germ that is always near. So don't forget him when Christmas comes, To help him make his loved ones dear, With just a little Christmas cheer. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, 1917-1918.

Good luck to dear old Ireland And her sons far away from home They're all right wherever they are Because they've kissed the Blarney Stone. Printed on the back of this postcard: "St. Patrick Series No. 4."

This makes me cringe every time I look at it, so it must be appropriate for the Weird Vintage Postcards group. 8-) "Here's a maid past sweet sixteen, / Who'd hardly pass for beauty's queen, / To set her free 'twould not be wise, / She'd bite and scratch out your eyes." Handwritten message on back: "With my compliments, E.B." Addressed to: "Miss Bertha Fulton, Sinnemahoning, Pa." No stamp or postmark. Printed on back: "Series 539."

An insulting " vinegar valentine " for schoolteachers. Schoolmistress You teach each little elf More than you know yourself; And talk like a petticoat college; To spank the little boys Is the greatest of your joys; 'Tis thus you preside at the seat of knowledge. For another example of a vinegar valentine, see Wretched Typo the Printer .

An insulting " vinegar valentine " aimed at printers. Printer Lead-colored claws, tobacco-stained jaws, Wretched Typo, you cram up your stick, Drunk today to your sorrow, half sober tomorrow, And then swear you're a regular "brick." Your foreman condemns how you count up your "ems," How you "sub" it at half-price he likes, But the editor only, at his desk groaning lonely, Damns you and your interminable "strikes." For another example of a vinegar valentine, see You Teach Each Little Elf More Than You Know Yourself .

"Oh! You Lobster. / It's all very fine to wine and dine / A pretty dear sweet little miss / It looks very swell, but will you tell / How it's done on a salary llike this ($10 per)." This vinegar valentine has been personalized with the initials "F.F." for the man, "J.V." for the woman, and "The Biltmore" hotel as the setting for the wining and dining. The early twentieth-century meaning of "lobster" was similar to today's "sugar daddy." For a similar valentine, see Ye Gilded Boob .

A vinegar valentine postcard dating to the time when "typewriter" (rather than typist) was commonly used to refer to the person doing the typing as well as to the machine itself. Typewriter About grammar and spelling Just nothing you know, And the letters you type Are a scandalous show!

"The Jokemaster. / At cracking jokes you're a wow, / But your wisecracks are old, somehow, / Your jokes are stale, your puns are cheap, / You're so darn funny you make us weep!" A vinegar valentine criticizing those jokesters who tell us, "Listen--here's a new one!," and then proceed to relate a stale old chestnut from Joe Miller 's Joke Book (the first version of the book was published as Joe Miller's Jests, or the Wit's Vade-Mecum in 1739).

See also a detail showing a close-up of the flag image (below). Lasting Impressions Stare at this flag, dear friend, Then look away, The image still stands by you. If next Sunday, you'll attend Our Rally Day, Like impressions will then ensue. Directions. Take card in both hands, look steadily at small diamond shaped speck on flag, try not to blink, and count to 40 slow, then look up at sky or a light wall and picture will appear greatly enlarged. Keep looking at one spot for 10 seconds. Result--the actual picture will appear and disappear several times.