woods

what's up man? I'm reading. yeah? who? Wallace Stevens. 'let us build the building of light' he didn't write that. of course he did. nah. I think it sounds more like prince. you would.

centurion! I smell humans. what is our status? the first wave of troops is ready, sire. deploy. and remember: no prisoners. but plenty to eat, correct, master? ha ha. yes. plenty of human meat. my mandibles are oozing viscous methane at the thought. a good look for you, o wise one, if I may so bold as to say so. stuff your bulging eye stalks back in your crusty little thorax, centurion, and get what humans would call your ass moving. yes, sire. strange body part, the ass. it's a mystery to me.

set up the perimeter here, men. yes, sir. post guards every 50 feet. right, sir. and listen for wings. those bugs are noisy. got it, sir. they'll be coming in from above. look sharp. care for breakfast now, sir? yeah, thinking of those bugs makes me hungry.

see him? no. where? up in that tree. man, I can't see anything! don't worry. I've got a bead on him. what's he doing? oh shit! he's gone! c'mon man, we gotta move! where? anywhere. that guy's fast! I don't think it's a guy. whaddya mean? I mean, it smells like sulphur around here. I don't think that guy's human. sulphur? oh, yeah. never mind that. I forgot to clean out the fridge.

what's with the woods? what, you don't like nature? sure I do. I'm a big fan. I'm going to get nick. no problem. I'll just commune with these trees. good. just watch out they don't commune back.

we have them surrounded, sire. excellent. arm the ionizing narcolepser. at once, your worshipfulness. now the earthlings will feel my awesome power. as they should, your magnificence. pity they don't have exoskeletons like us. why, sire? I love crunchy food. well put, o wise one.

who brought the cookies? didn't you? what? you mean there's no cookies? I guess not. have an apple. damn it! I've been thinking about those oreos for hours! I feel your pain. don't mock me, woman. I wouldn't think of it.

what's that tune? the thieving magpie by rossini, why? it's catchy, that's all. but where's it coming from? oh, those bugs. they like to play opera. bugs? playing opera? yeah, they think it messes with our heads. mess with our heads? they're bugs! sinister mothers, ain't they?

we bivouac here, men. get out the camouflage. this sir? what the hell is that? it's red! that's not camouflage! it's what we were issued, sir. dammit! you see any red around here? actually, yes, in the next picture. sir. well we aren't in the next picture, now are we, son? no, sir, we're not. maybe we should go there instead, sir. who's giving the orders around here, boy? you are, sir. definitely. ok. go scout that next picture. let me know if it's safe. you got it, sir.

geez, boss. how long we gonna stay on this road? what's the matter with you, curly? it's beautiful here. yeah, I know, but geez, boss, we been driving for hours. we'll get there when we get there. where we goin'? anyplace where there ain't cops. well, there's none around here. there ain't no banks, either. yeah, good point.

we're close. close? to what? I don't know, but I can feel it. well feel this: I'm starving, and we have no food. you are just so materialistic you know that? yeah. my body can only handle so much ethereal sustenance. you should try yoga. no offense, but I'd rather try a hamburger. me too.

my boy, welcome to my new laboratory! laboratory? but herr doktor, we're in the middle of the woods. exactly! it is here that I will put Einstein's theory of relativity to the ultimate test! how will you do that? by increasing the speed of light! these trees will grow immense in an instant of time! but isn't that impossible, doktor? well, so far it is. but I am working on it. but there's no equipment here. yes, well I must first figure out what equipment is necessary, you see. in the woods? I thought it was a nice place to think about it. certainly, doktor.

this is a nice spot. ok, let's rest. did you bring the coffee? no. didn't you? you mean we have no coffee? I need a starbucks. I doubt there's one around here. not as nice a spot as I thought. guess not.

what are doing out here? we're looking for sal, remember? oh, right. why are we looking for him? because he's got the money. how come he's got the money? because he stole it. try to focus, ok? what are we gonna do when we find him? first, we're gonna get our money back. then what? then, sal is gonna experience a whole new meaning of pain. glad I'm not sal. what is your name, anyway? hey, it's louie. try to stay focused, ok? right.

stanley, I hear breathing. that's just you, edna. no stanley, and it smells like sulphur. keep moving. maybe whatever it is will find a rabbit or something. I don't think it's hunting rabbits, stanley.

good day, lord. how are you? what is it, archangel? I'm studying my trees. how are they doing? not so well, I'm afraid. in fact, they're dying out. how did that happen? humans. name me a problem. the cause will be humans. what are you going to do? I'm going to let trees fight back. that will be entertaining. not for the humans, it won't. will the trees survive? I can't say. but they're gonna take some people with them.

get ready, the trains gonna be here in a minute. oh boy, I love train rides. we ain't riding it, moron, we're robbing it. yeah? how we gonna do that, boss? soon as we blow the charges, it stops, we get on. charges, boss? yeah, the things I told you to set along the track. uh, boss? I thought you said set 'em in the back. what? uh, yeah, they're in the trunk of the car. what!? they're in the trunk? hey, I think I hear the train. I love trains.

he's up there, private. go find him. I don't see him, sir. how will I know it's him? he's wearing a banana on his head. oh. ok. I"m kidding you idiot. he'll have a gun aimed at you. think you can remember that? right. got it.